Vamguard
- By Vam
I have been called a monster and worse, but you may call me Vam. 
Soon I will rule this world and you will call me Supreme Overlord.
However, to complete my plan for world domination I first need minions. Lots and lots of minions. Hordes, in fact. Now, you may have heard the rumours that the minions of other would-be overlords suffer from a drastically reduced life expectancy. In response to this, I submit that the life expectancy of my minions will be considerably longer than that of my enemies.
Additionally, my minions will not be faceless unnamed hordes. No, the horde has a name: the Vamguard. Of course, the minions are still faceless and unnamed, but that is to be expected: they are minions.
You may have also heard that being a minion means bowing and scraping and doing all the heavy lifting. This is correct. However, my minions receive a fancy shield to indicate to others that they are part of the prestigious Vamguard. Minions of the Vamguard will brandish their shields and the unaffiliated will cower in terror at the mere insinuation of my name. Shortly after, they will be gloriously slaughtered and/or recruited.
So, increase your meagre life expectancy today – join the Vamguard!
JOIN THE VAMGUARD
Behold! A simple step-by-step guide to pledging your life, soul and fealty to Vam.
1. Add a comment to this page, pledging your fealty. More fealty means more life expectancy.
2. Download your official and prestigious Vamguard shield (right-click and save the shield on this page, or download a few different shields in various sizes).
3. (Optional step for extra life expectancy) Proudly display your shield on your website or in your forum signature block, linking to Pyres of Vam. Vam understands that minions sometimes need a bit of carrot to go with their stick and is open to the concept of a link exchange. Email us to discuss particulars (perhaps even a unique shield), future prosperous minion. You may also email us if you desire a your shield to be larger or smaller, for your purposes.
Spreading the word of the Vamguard attracts more minions and thus statistically improves your chances of not being on the receiving end of the inevitable jealous rage of the forces of my worthless enemies.
I am Mockingbard. I love Vam. Vam is better than me. I pledge my pathetic life, soul and fealty to him.
@Mockingbard Hey! I didn’t write that! Stop using my account, Vam! I withdraw the above comment!!
@Mockingbard Mwuhahaha! Too late, you pitiful beast. You are mine now! Congratulations on becoming my first official minion. When I am Supreme Overlord and finally manage to get out of this shared body of ours, I will have you cast in carbonite for use as a cape-rack. You should be honoured.
Oh Glorious Vam! I lay my life before you and hope you find it worthy. All hail Vam the Mighty! May the Vamguard decimate x10 all enemies!
@mossmess Welcome Mossmess! Your florid praise, knowledge of mathematics and language, and your dedication to the utter destruction of my foes will serve the Vamguard well. It is a great pleasure indeed to have you with us.